A few weeks ago, on a Friday afternoon while strolling up and down the mall, I came across an attractive African-American woman heading to get her nails done; she had on a skin tight black dress, designer glasses, light accessories, she was quite the catch.  For the sake of anonymity, I will call her “Lauren”.

I immediately doubled backed and caught up with her before she entered the nail salon.  I ran my usual openers, we talked about what we did for a living, and by all accounts the interaction was going fairly well.  When it came time to number close, I was met with “Well, I don’t give out my number, buutttt I can give you a few social media handles. Are you on snapchat? Instagram?”

In my mind I couldn’t help be feel a little bit insulted.  I have been in “the game” going on 2 years, and while I don’t tout myself to be an expert, I certainly was no novice either.  I scoffed at her a little, explaining to her that any random person can send her a direct message. Lauren countered that her profile was set to private and that she could only see those messages of friends that were added to her.  I wanted to test this theory, but she claimed her battery was dying. At this point I laughed, and she was most likely turned off by my arrogance. Lauren rolled her eyes, chuckled and said “you know what? Nevermind, I’m good.” And I said “No? Ok cool” equally as prideful.

Initially my ego wanted me to make this blog to put the young woman on blast, but cooler heads prevailed and as I thought back on the interaction, I remember an excerpt from Neil Strauss’ “The Game.”

“If I didn’t get the phone number, I didn’t blame it on the girl for being cold or bitchy, as so many other sargers did.  I blamed myself and analyzed every word, gesture, and reaction until I pinpointed a tactical error”

He also goes on to say. . .

“. . .there is no such thing as failure, only learning lessons”

When thinking back on the interaction there could have been a million reasons why she decided against offering me her number:   maybe she had bad experiences in the past, maybe she had a man already, maybe my game wasn’t strong enough, etc. but rather than focusing on the unknowns, I pinpointed to the area of the interaction where things went south: when I was arrogant.

It wasn’t my place to criticize or judge her method of communication.  I couldn’t have respectfully declined her option and walked away or I could have been open to the line of communication that she offered.  To most men, there is nothing more ballsy than approaching a girl, stirring up emotions and closing the deal in some from or fashion; however, some women just don’t have an appreciation for that, and prefer a filter before meeting someone.

I made a connection between my error and a business term I picked up while studying Sport Management, called “Marketing Myopia”.  The term marketing myopia means that a company views marketing strictly from the standpoint of selling a specific product rather than from the standpoint of fulfilling customer needs.  Make no mistake gentlemen, you are in the business of selling yourself, relationships are not different. A woman wants to end up with the best possible man on her terms.  If you can game around those filters/terms, great. If not, you are in an uphill battle of cold selling yourself to a prospective female.

To further illustrate this point.  Professional sports teams now have more “point of sale” contacts than ever before, restaurants now have mobile tools that allow you to place orders and pick them up ahead of time. Why? To be cater to the needs of their clientele. If I am an owner of a venue trying to sell out a concert, I can’t expect customers to come to my venue’s ticket office to purchase entry to my event. Some will purchase from StubHub, TicketMaster, the secondary markets, etc.

The point I am getting at is: Be Ubiquitous

U*biq*ui*tous -adjective:  present, appearing, or found everywhere

A man should be able to game on multiple platforms at an adequate level: day game, night game, dating sites, social media sites; being understanding of the type of filters women will make men go through.  The woman that I’ve been dating for the past few months, I met on a social app called Skout.  She mentioned to me afterwards that if we had met in person, and I had approached, she may not have given me the shot due to my physically imposing stature.  Another woman I met last year, I approached her about 15 feet from the club, as I was leaving one Sunday evening; she admitted later, if she had met me IN the club (literally 15 FEET away from the club doors mind you), she would not have given me the shot.  Take the time to learn about certain filters and adapt accordingly.

I’m actually very thankful for the interaction I had with that woman in the mall, I actually have turned that scenario into my new opener, when approaching groups.  I used it recently with a two-setter in a lounge, and at the end of the opener I asked, if “that’s the cool thing to do these days” or “doesn’t that make it harder on the guy”, and one of the ladies told me “well, it isn’t supposed to easy, right?”

Well said.

Weather Your Storm, Maintain Inner Reign -E