My best friend Jason and I were talking one day after work about a subject we routinely converse about: Women. He was discussing who he was dealing with at the time, I was doing the same; pros, cons, disagreements, do we see our respective relationships as a long-term thing, etc.
At some point in the conversation, we brought up building with your significant other in this day in age. “My aunt was just talking to be about this”, Jason said. “She was telling me how she felt sorry for our generation because back in their time, two people came together, communicated, and built their way up.” She was preaching to the choir I told him.
My grandfather and grandmother came up the exact same way. They were in their early 20s when they got married, and had little to nothing in their name. They slowly worked their way up to financial stability. My grandfather worked for a tire company, and my grandmother for a manufacturer. They raised my father and uncle, started out in small, modest homes. They worked diligently, saved, sold their first home, upgraded, sold their second home, and ended up in a beautiful 5-bedroom house, able to retire early, and travel wherever they wanted to.
I have told Jason that story many times. However, the same happy ending did not occur to the following generations of the family.
My father, divorced twice, was chasing that same dream, with me following along in his footsteps only to fail in my marriage as well.
Simply put . . .society has changed, gentlemen.
“I swear Jason, the way things are now, you are almost better off building on your own first, and trying to assimilate someone else into your life after the fact”, I said jokingly, but dead serious as the same time.
“Yea, you right about that”, he replied.
Let’s first discuss the evolution of ‘divorce’ in America. The concept of divorce pre-Civil Rights era, had a totally different connotation than it does in this modern era. Divorce was a very difficult thing to obtain decades ago. There had to be justification due to abuse, abandonment or adultery. Outside of that, it was generally frowned upon, and couples were really forced to stick it out.
(She looks so happy. . .right?!)
Between the 1950s-1970s states had adopted options where couples could divorce with no fault at all, people could simply say that the marriage had broken down. That, coupled with the surge of women in the workforce, no longer needing the support of men in a marriage setting, and you have a recipe for what our modern world looks like today. Divorces are now as routine as, Kardashians dating black entertainers. Divorce is no longer a shameful thing, couples live together without being married, if you are a child of divorce you are more likely to be end up divorcing yourself, and if you were married once, you are more likely to divorce again.
There is a new trend now, in this modern era.
“BUILD YA GAT DAMN SELF.”
Of course, it’s better to build with someone that is on the same page as you, but that’s almost impossible in this era. People come into relationships with their own goals and motives, not necessarily anything wrong with that; however, how often does a man and woman’s goals lead down the same road? Lack of communication occurs often and resentment arises instead of common ground being met for the greater good of the relationship. The consequences of trying to build with the wrong person, are devastating. It literally can set you back double digit years, the more intertwined you are, whether that be property, children, etc.
Everybody wants to be a leader, nobody wants to be a follower.
Based off this modern-day model, no one should be marrying off potential, because you could be ‘potentially’ setting yourself up for failure. Chase your dream, find your craft and perfect it; reach your highest value possible and THEN you can seek the benefits. Women are our equals in the workforce correct? Wonderful. Then show me you are more than a pretty face, show me you can carry your weight, show me what you’ve put your time and effort to build (see Rational and Emotional Attributes – The Relationship Version). I find it funny at times our ‘better halves’ get to pick and choose the era they choose to live in, when its convenient.
I have talked about the reformation of societies in prior blogs. This would mean that couples would wait until they have fully matured and have reached the financial stability necessary to handle the rigors of maintaining a marriage, and the social responsibility of raising offspring.
In conclusion, gentlemen, please heed my warning. Be as high value as you possibly can be FIRST. Trying to compete against someone else’s motives is No Bueno.
Weather Your Storm, Maintain Inner Reign -E