Summer Option – Background
It was our second date, sitting out on the patio, sharing a seafood bucket as the warm breeze of summer brushed against our exposed skin.
2017, a new love interest, the “getting-to-know-you” conversation continues. . .
“Don’t tell me you’re one of those people who has to be contacted every 5 seconds?!” She asked nonchalantly.
“No. I’m not saying that.” I said sheepishly as I defend myself, “I’m just saying, how many times do you look at your phone every day?”
“Like. . .a hundred times”
“Exactly. In those hundred times you can’t take 5 seconds to check on someone you care about?”
She pauses for a moment, then says “Well I normally give a person three days to respond, if I don’t hear anything I don’t bother with them.”
Red flag. I should have ended the interaction right then and there, but alas I was too soft for my own good.
Maintaining the Correct Frame of Mind
Welcome back friends 😊.
It has been a while since my last post.
I’m sure many of you are wondering, “sheesh Eric, it’s been so long since your last published submission. What have you been doing?
Falling Back into Old Habits.
The weekend of my birthday, I met someone who I thought could be the one, and let my guard down.
I went against past experiences, and teachings, because I wanted to be the nice guy for a change.
To love unconditionally for once.
Serve’s me right huh?! -_____-
The journey to be a High Value Man, is an arduous one; moreover, it takes adopting a ruthless attitude, a laser like focus, and a relentless level of self-discipline.
To attain that level and reap those rewards requires you to never give up, even if you briefly fall of the wagon. Fall 8 times, get up 9 times.
Experience is the greatest teacher. There are no failures. Should you choose to continue down this path, there is only success or lessons.
I want to share in the lessons I have learned over the past month, and there will be many future blog posts that will focus on these takeaways going forward.
Lesson 1: Avoid People that Bring NOTHING to the Table
This CANNOT be stressed enough.
During the time spent entertaining this individual, I had learned that they weren’t in the greatest of spots, thus not being able to focus on a relationship.
I get that, and most people can generally relate to that sentiment. We’ve all been there. We all know what it is like to be in a tough spot, when life deals us a bad hand.
Ordinarily, this can be a turn-off to many people; however, I wanted to exhibit a high level of compassion.
I wanted to assure this person that hey, “your problems are my problems”, I want to help as best I can.
This woman was in the illustrious “8-9-Dime” range, and I decided, I wanted to play White Knight, show I was “different”
This has been a weakness of mine in the past, and I want to make this lesson perfectly clear:
YOU CAN’T SAVE EVERYONE.
Read it again.
Say it out loud this time.
Got it? Ok. Good.
My best advice would be to avoid playing the role of the White Knight altogether.
DON’T BE THAT GUY
But IF (and this is a big IF) you decide to do it, it must be with a person that brings a redeemable quality (besides looks) to the table.
I am not even talking about just financially. If a person isn’t going to contribute monetarily, they better be willing to contact me at frequent intervals (which clearly in the opening story, she wasn’t willing to do), or cook, or clean, or be affectionate, be stable emotionally, knowledgeable spiritually, SOMETHING of a value add.
It’s going to be difficult to find someone equally yoked in every aspect; however, this doesn’t mean you settle for anything either.
If a lot of this is sounding familiar, I spoke about finding women with “emotional attributes” in one of my first blogs.
All of this information is stuff I already knew, but again, I just want to show you, how all it takes is a bad chick and weak moments to drift away from your foundation.
STAY THE COURSE.
Lesson 2: Cut Ties from Ungrateful People
Have you heard of the concept called “the emotional bank account”?
The term was coined to represent the amount of rapport built between two people based on invested time, trust, and effort.
Like any bank account, deposits are made for positive actions, withdrawals for negative actions.
If your best friend asked you to help them move this Saturday, you would help them more than likely because of the surplus in the emotional bank account.
But what if they asked you to move EVERY Saturday for the rest of the year?! Exactly. Those emotional funds get used up QUICK.
You must show appreciation for those that matter to you. Plain and Simple.
Have you ever been around people who act like THEY are doing YOU a favor, hanging out with you?!
Yes. Annoying as fuck, right?!
This was the 8-9-Dime.
“Hey, I was calling to see if you had eaten yet?”
I was driving home, just getting off work when I replied, “No I haven’t.”
“Cool, I ordered a pizza for us, just pick it up.”
“Aww that was thoughtful of you to buy us dinner”, I smile thinking she had turned the corner.
“Oh no. I didn’t buy it”
Another instance, we go to Wal-Mart on the notion she was going to pick up supplies for her job.
We get to the counter, she looks around in her purse the way a child pretends to look for a report card they “never got from the teacher.”
“Can you get this for me?”
No debit card or dollar to her name, nor had we had any prior conversation on the way to the store.
I could have been in a tight spot, or I might be balling that week, either way, it was inconsiderate and I didn’t take kindly to it.
More red flags.
The worst thing you can do to a man, is make him feel unappreciated.
The quickest way to do this, is to withdraw more than you deposit in the emotional bank account.
Too many people are looking for a handout.
Too many people with an entitled “What can you do for me?” attitude who never open a wallet, or utter a thank you.
A High Value Man can change someone’s life, instantly.
But it MUST be earned.
Ungrateful people must be exiled from your existence as soon as possible.
Lesson 3: Put the Principles Before the Pedestal
A few weeks into my new job I get a call from my beautiful pain-in-the-side.
“I was wondering if you can take me and my daughter to school then drop me off at work”
Better judgement told me to say no, as it would have taken me two hours to drive across town, drop her daughter off at school, take her to work and then return to my job.
But I relented, replying, “Ok. I’m leaving now but be ready when I get there.”
30 minutes later, having driven across town. I send the obligatory “I’m here” text.
I wait for 15 minutes.
Pissed off I send another text “If you’re not out here in 5 minutes, I’m leaving.”
I rush to a gas station to go pee after driving off, when I get a text asking to just take her to her job with her daughter.
I return and she complains “If you didn’t have time take me, you shouldn’t have come”
She continues, “It was just 15 minutes.”
I snapped. In front of the daughter. Because she STILL didn’t get it.
“EXCUSE ME??!!!! I’m the one doing the favor,” I stare in disbelief so much inconsideration can exist in a single human, “My time is JUST as valuable as yours.”
I broke so many rules in this sequence.
You do not deviate from the money when a person hasn’t earned it. I should have said no initially.
I should have left when I said I was going to. She needed to be taught a lesson.
My unwillingness to stand on my principles lead to that argument.
A High Value Man should set the tone, set the expectations as early as possible, which I clearly had not done.
I enabled, in a person, the notion that they can do whatever they please. That is a no-no.
Stand your ground.
Stand on your principles.
No matter how bad a woman is. You must have unwavering faith and resolve, to the point you risk losing someone altogether.
If a person likes you enough, if they want to be there, they’ll respect and stay.
If not, then ole well. On to the next one.
I reached out to mend the fences because I never want to let my pride get in the way of someone I like.
She didn’t respond.
I reached out again. three days later, still nothing.
She broke her own rule.
It’s unfortunate when you really want it to work with someone.
But the red flags were glaring and I ignored them.
My principles went unused.
This must be the worst era ever to be dating in. But I still maintain hope that my unicorn is out there.
All one can do, is put their efforts into being High Value, and the rest will fall into place.
I mean it’s got to at some point, right?!
Weather Your Storm, Maintain Inner Reign -E