“My child comes first.”
Every man who has approached a woman, who happens to be a single mother, is met with this statement.
In the world of the “manosphere”, there have been many articles written towards High Value men, in regards to dating women with children.
Most of these, advising men to avoid the situation altogether.
I won’t be going to that extreme.
According to the 2016 United States Census Bureau, over a quarter of all children in America (20.2 M), live in single parent homes.
While that number may not seem immense in isolation, there are two additional statistics to be noted:
From 1960-2016, the percentage of children living with a single mother has nearly tripled (From 8% to 23%).
Minorities make up sixty percent of that 20+ million (per Kids Count data center).
So, this isn’t something that’s going away, and I want to bring some perspective to this issue.
And before anyone gets all angry, lets dispel some notions you may be having.
I grew up in a blended home, so this topic hits home to me.
I have a son, and the hardest decision I have ever faced was to put him in a position to go through what I did.
That being said, let’s begin.
The thing about human beings that is so fascinating, is we claim we don’t care about what anybody thinks. . .
. . .yet we still seek validation for the way we conduct our lives.
We have a bad habit projecting onto others, they should feel lucky to be dealing with our situations in life.
That’s a great way to screw up a connection with someone special, fresh out the gate.
It shows you’re insecure.
Stop overcompensation . . .positively and negatively.
You know how a person will brag about their job? Or how much money they have? Or the car they drive?
It feels patronizing, right?
Overcompensation through their perceived positives.
You can overcompensate through perceived negatives as well.
That is essentially what you’re doing when you when you feel the need to abruptly and arrogantly announce you’re a mother first.
“I put my child first and you just have to accept it”
Well no shit Sherlock.
First off, it makes it look like you view your children as additional baggage.
Secondly, presentation is EVERYTHING.
It’s why we fire employees on Fridays instead of Mondays (I know, I know, the joke was in bad taste).
But seriously, you can choose to show a man that’s worth it, that you can treat him well while still providing for your children.
Or. . . you can use the fact you’re a mother as a shield for not letting the right man get close.
Notice the first sentence is inclusive, the second sentence is derisive and created division.
A woman should want to show the real her of course, but showcasing should be done with tact.
You wouldn’t go to a job interview and start with “Hey guys, just wanted to let you know my children come first”
Yea. . .Let me know how that works out.
You want to show a guy the real you, but you wouldn’t to show up to a first date with your bonnet on.
If you’re High Value, it’s going to show in your presentation as well as your actions.
Not through your overcompensation.
It’s the first red flag to a High Value man. . .
You aren’t going to have to overstate what you bring to the table, nor what someone else is going TO HAVE TO deal with.
Not if your actions speak for itself.
Have you seen these memes floating around social media?
Take a few moments to answer. . .
The answers I’ve seen, from both men and women, can be scary. . .
The second indication to High Value Men, through your inclination that your children “always come first”: It shows you don’t know what the foundation of a family is.
I have some news for you.
Children are NOT the foundation of a family.
Never have been, and never will be.
The decisions of the man and woman is what fortifies a home.
Middle management does not outrank executives in company.
Yet this is exactly the model women want to present to prospective gentlemen.
There are going to be times where you must make LIFE-ALTERING decisions for your family, and if you have a woman in your corner who is unable to think rationally about these types of decisions, you are going to regret it.
You both are going to have to make decisions regarding budgets, around disciplining your children, etc.
All of which can be twice as difficult if you don’t have the right partner by your side.
I don’t think women are able to just FLIP A SWITCH, when a ring gets put on their finger.
You don’t magically become a good husband or wife.
Therefore a person must either have those good qualities instilled in them or be committed to practicing until it becomes second nature.
You say vows to your spouse, not your children.
Maintain a UNITED FRONT or everything else crumbles.
Plain and simple.
The last point I want to make about the notion “My children come first”, is probably the most important.
Your job as a parent is not so much to “put your children first” but to raise them to not only be productive members society; but to progress the society.
How else are those figures I gave you at the beginning of the blog going to change?
What does a child learn from being made the center of existence?
What does he or she learn to do when he goes out to start his or her own family?
Self-love and selfishness when you are SINGLE is important, however how do you show vulnerability to people who are worth it?
This setting is your chance to illustrate to your children how love is supposed to be exhibited, how a household is supposed to be ran.
A man and woman at the forefront, and children as pseudo-apprentices, who observe, and learn how a marriage is supposed to be conducted.
When it’s time for a child to leave the nest and start anew, he or she isn’t going to marry you.
They aren’t going to say, “Gee mom/ Gee dad, thanks for staying single for me, good luck”
Show them the correct way.
Progress the society.
I don’t want women to think, I am saying these rules apply to just ANY man you encounter.
And I don’t want men to have a negative mindset when dealing with women with children.
I want HIGH VALUE men with HIGH VALUE women.
I want society to progress as a whole.
I want us to be mindful of how we present ourselves.
Remember who TRULY forms the foundation of a family.
Remember your PRIORITY to your children is to be the EXAMPLE in raising proper citizens
Not to put them first.
Weather Your Storm, Maintain Inner Reign -E