In one of my published blogs on Inner Reign, “Be Ubiquitous”, I spoke about men being able to appeal to women on multiple platforms at an adequate level.
Day game, night game, social media, and dating sites.
As a value add to my faithful readers, I had every intention to create a blog post on the topic of successful online dating.
The explosion of online daters has been well documented in recent years.
The graph below is from the study “Searching for a Mate: The Rise of the Internet as a Social Intermediary”, which was published in the American Sociological Review.
As you can see the rise of the internet post-1999, increased married couples who met online by 20% (3,000+ American adults).
In 2013, Forbes published an article containing data from the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, stating between 2005 and 2012 35% of married couples met online (Ages 30-49; 20,000 Americans).
The Pew Research Center even published that online dating site/dating app users have almost tripled for young adults between 2013-2015.
The point I’m trying to make here is, the stigma that once existed around online dating has dissipated (although some won’t admit that publicly).
Convenience due to societies’ increased online presence has overtaken most aspects our lives, dating included.
Before I get into the fundamental elements you need to be successful, I need to establish the ground work, so we’re on the same page.
First of all (every great point starts off with “first of all”), whether you realize it or not, every facet of your life is all about selling yourself.
I hear people complain about being in the business of sales, yet don’t understand you are constantly pushing the brand of YOU.
Making friends, going on a job interview, a first date . . . those first impressions matter, and you are more or less trying to get others to see the value you bring to the table.
Online dating is no different. Keep that in the forefront of your mind as I talk through the next bullet points.
Lastly, understand that dating sites/applications have become, in a sense, an extended form of social media. Women will use these dating apps as a way to boost followers on their Insta/Snap/FB pages, or simply use it as a source of validation. That’s the big difference between reality vs dating sites: The men that normally would never approach in person, will fire off messages left and right online.
It’s the gift and the curse of online dating.
I say that to say this: There are people who use dating apps like a plaything. There are women who are there to seriously make a connection with someone, but you’re going to have to set your parameters accordingly.
Without further ado, let’s get to it.
The Essentials of Online Dating
A person’s picture can tell me everything I need to know before I begin reading the bio. Of course pictures tell us how a person looks physically, but you’d be surprised how much images can tell us about our personality, and what we are willing to hide.
The point I’m trying to make here is your pictures must have a sense of personality to them; showcasing your looks, while telling who you are as a person.
What does a couple of headshot photos convey to a person viewing your profile?
Ladies Are Guilty Of It Too . . .
Who is going to take a chance to read your profile if your photos don’t convey a sense of personality, nor your appearance? What is drawing that person to meet you in person?
I reached out to my friend Mark who run his own photography business (check out some photos on his Instagram @markuzrob). When I took the photos for the “About Me” section of the blog I used the main photo on all my dating apps and I instantly saw results.
Not only were more women responding to my initial message, I had many more reach out to me telling me how distinguished my profile was.
I set myself apart from the other men on the dating sites, which is VITAL when women’s inbox is full with messages.
The photo shows my entire body, it provides an interesting back drop, and most importantly it illustrates a man who is of HIGH VALUE.
So you have a captivating picture that draws a woman to your page.
I am a big believer in a person’s bio painting a portrait of positivity.
There is nothing worse than a person’s profile emitting negativity, telling what they aren’t going to put up with.
The tone of voice that you write your bio in, is just as important as the content itself.
Your bio should attract the right individuals to you, while deterring the women you don’t want.
“I’m a very easy-going person, who enjoys their peace, and engendering environments with of warm soothing ambiance.”
“Leave that drama at the door, because I ain’t the one for it.”
See the difference?
Negativity breeds negativity, and I’m positive no one is going to give you the time of day if a woman gets the vibe you will be difficult to deal with.
Write a bio that attracts the right attention from the right person.
Message with a Purpose
Every message should be designed to understand a woman’s personality. Your first message should be captivating, and thought-provoking.
Remember the goal is to show the authentic you, while being the anomaly, in a sea full of basic dudes.
Do you know how many times a woman reads the same ole same ole:
“So why you still single?”
“What’s your favorite color?”
These are vapid questions that will get you ignored in a heartbeat.
Every man should know what aspects of a future wife he values; maybe you want someone affectionate, or is a good communicator, demonstrates loyalty, will be mutually invested, etc.
Whatever your criteria may be, be efficient in your questions and hit on those areas out of the gate.
Strike Quickly: The Hook Point
The efficiency in the way you message, should lead you to a basic understanding about the woman you are communicating with.
Is she answering you timely? Does she seem engaged and interested in you? Does her representation align with the criteria you hold near and dear?
If your gut is telling you to move forward to an actual date, then do so.
This is what is known as the “Hook Point” aka MAKE A MOVE.
Keep in mind that women get an immense number of messages EVERY DAY; no matter how good your approach is, her attention span is fleeting.
Once you reach the hook point, set up a date.
Don’t message her 50 times on the dating app, then ask for her number to text her another 50 times before you ask her out.
By the time you do all that, she’ll have gone on a few dates and shifted you to the “MAYBE” pile.
Let your photos make a GREAT first impression.
A bio filled with positivity makes the second impression.
Every message should me methodical, and progressing the interaction forward.
If a woman aligns with what you are looking for overall: Make a move.
This concludes my short guide to art of online dating.
Happy hunting 😊
Weather Your Storm, Maintain Inner Reign -E