One of my favorite discussions I love to have with my fiancée, is the topic of the woman being the breadwinner of the household.
“I just don’t think this generation of women can handle it without throwing it in the man’s face,” I would always tell her.
“Nah uh,” she replies.
“Yes huh,” I retort in my sweet and coy voice.
She ponders, “Do you think it could male ego that’s standing in his own way?”
“Maybe, but I think that it doesn’t help this era of empowered women take the notion of independence too far.”
I continue, “It almost feels as if, women take pride in being a part of the emasculation of men.”
We normally just agree to disagree and move on; however, I found an article that has reaffirmed my position on the topic.
A year ago, CNBC Money published an article “Millennial women are ‘worried’, ‘ashamed’ of out-earning boyfriends and husbands”.
One of the writers of the reference articles makes this illustration:
The feedback they receive from the culture is clear: Men should be earning more so that they can provide for their families, and if they don’t, it’s symptomatic of a problem. These messages produce an “almost unavoidable emotional and psychological consequence,” Ford writes. Women feel guilty. Men feel emasculated.
The writer of the referenced article happened to be one of the 40% of women in America who makes more than their partner, and although she particularly didn’t have any issue with the arrangement, she would often come across these common phrases when discussing with others:
“I couldn’t date a man who was less ambitious than I am.”
“I guess I just feel like it’s a man’s job to take care of his woman, not the other way around.”
“What if you end up having to pay him alimony like Mary J. Blige and her ex-husband?”
“Do you ever think you might be selling yourself short?”
Coincidently, @theshaderoom posted the article on Instagram and similar comments were posted as well.
I was in awe, and instantly took to writing to provide a male perspective on the situation.
A Woman with The Right Mindset
I constantly preach on this platform, the importance of a man being High Value.
I want men to be powerful, and well-rounded as possible. . .
. . . that being said, I want gentlemen who are going to maintain grace and class, as they go about their mission to protect and provide.
It is baffling to me how society brings selfish behavior, in an environment that requires absolute selflessness, this particular issue being no different.
So, gentlemen let me make this declaration abundantly clear:
When you are vetting a prospective partner, if she ever throws her surplus of income in your face in comparison to yours, leave her alone.
No questions asked.
That depicts to me the wrong attitude needed to sustain a relationship or marriage.
You see, the thing about income is, no situation is 100% sustainable.
The economy constantly shifts, new markets emerge, others fade away; and in turn creates mortgages crises, mass layoffs, and hard times.
I want someone in my corner who is going to be a team player, if we’re in a cardboard box or in a mansion.
Who’s making the most money is irrelevant anyway, if you are partnered with someone who doesn’t invest in the relationship.
I’d much rather have a woman who doesn’t make a lot but is willing to save and be selfless, compared to an affluent tightwad having a money measuring contest.
Finances are proven to be a heavy influence when it comes to divorce.
Save yourself the grief by avoiding this type of women altogether.
I have discussed previously the problem with generational advice.
You have Baby Boomers/Generation X parents, teaching sons and daughters, something that worked specifically in their eras.
In the 1980’s the number of households where the women were the breadwinners was less than 25%.
So of course, it made sense THEN for a man to have the majority handle when it came to fiscal responsibilities.
Women are empowered more than ever, and yet still wish to play by old rules, and it’s just not feasible.
I often reference my blog “The Reconditioning of African-American Society” ,that shows a graph where black women make about $20 less than their counterpart based on median weekly salary.
It’s time to reset expectations and communicate more.
For the gentlemen reading this, if you take anyway nothing else from this piece, just remember that nobody can make you feel inferior but yourself.
Women tend to forget that there is a vast amount of ways that a man can provide for the household, beyond monetary means.
A man is responsible for being his partner’s security emotionally and spiritually as well.
You should always strive to be the best man you can be.
But know you’re worth and know when you’re with someone who doesn’t recognize it.
Weather Your Storm, Maintain Inner Reign -E