I’m Not Where I Want to Be

“I’m not where I want to be in life . . .”

I’m sure at one point that thought has crossed all our minds.

When an individual exits grade school and starts to traverse through various stages of adulthood, the two common themes that occur often in life are: 1) Events rarely play out exactly the way you plan them, and 2) Things can go downhill in a hurry.

I recently experienced a combination of those events, and I remember THAT feeling every time.  That moment where your stomach turns, and the sunny-side up, optimistic hope you once felt dissipates like vapor in the air, and that dense, dark feeling of hopelessness and despair begins to seep into your being; it’s an immensely paralyzing feeling.

636039412548235150-1766438042_tumblr_mcx1a9KQTz1qirsuqo2_500

From there, you have sleepless nights, starring at the ceiling followed by days where, you feel like you are watching your life in 3rd person, not really living, just existing.

I spoke to my good friend Jason about the feeling I’d been having, and how it causes you to question everything you’ve ever done.

We got on the subject of philosophy and Maslow’s hierarchy of needs in relation to me, having my needs in life all screwed up, which in turn leads to my mistakes. That led to the following statements transpiring:

“Sometimes we forget that the old philosophers we studied in college, were merely detailing their account of how they saw life, through their lens.”  Jason continued “While, it does provide some precursor on human behavior, times have changed, and you have to live life the best way you know how.

“The choices you make: good or bad are a collection of what you felt would make you happy, you have to chase your happiness, and no one can judge you for that”.

Feeling a little better I injected in saying, “Yea, I think we are too hard on ourselves, on our paths to success, we don’t embrace the difficult times that humble us; they build our character, our identity.”

The phrase “I’m not where I want to be. . .” can be daunting to the human conscious.  Now that I have a son, those words can bring even the strongest man to tears.

Or inversely, bring on the type of suffering that may not outwardly appear on the surface. . .I believe a person can weep daily without sheading a single tear.

But, those words can also conjure up levels of strength and courage, from deep within a person’s spirit.

It can be a constant reminder of where a person has came from, what he has endured, and overcome.

I think back to the roughest and bleakest times in my life:  When I was in college, and the dorms were supposed to be closed for the holidays, but I had nowhere to go, and nothing to eat.  When I had to ride my bike miles everyday to summer practice in high school, the divorce when I had to look in the mirror everyday knowing I broke vows, laying in ER with arrhythmia, thoughts of my mortality like “is this it” running in my mind, the shame that I haven’t lived up to the potential to make my lineage proud.

untitled

Those moments required me to dig and find resolve, where I didn’t think I had it.

I am a firm believe that what you need you in your life, the universe will manifest it, and make it evident that is what you need and subsequently, what you don’t need as well.

The good Lord has brought me too far . . . to leave me here to fail.

He has brought US, way too far to fail.

Readers. . . .I am from the mud, just like you.  I am building my life from nothing, just like you.

I in no way, shape or form, think I am better than anyone, on the contrary, I would hope you all understand the arduous task of becoming High Value.

“I’m not where I want to be. . .” is our storm.

We can either conquer it or succumb to it.

A source of power, or the reason for our demise

You decide.

photography_space_153318-142C9A046622D12E992

Weather Your Storm, Maintain Inner Reign -E

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s